Top Ten Reasons to Come to Early Childhood Classes
The fall will soon be here! It’s time again for early childhood classes and special events! The following are the top ten reasons to come to early childhood classes:
1. The hospital failed to include an instruction manual when you had your baby.
2. You can load up on parenting information to show off to your friends, neighbors, and relatives (especially the know-it-all types!).
3. You can skip going to the fitness center because playing with your child is the best kind of workout you can do for your heart!
4. It provides the rare opportunity to exchange toilet training and teething stories with others who really are interested and don’t just fake it to be polite.
5. You get to bring home original works of art to hang on your refrigerator or to give as gifts to grandparents.
6. You and your child are able to play with all sorts of cool toys and equipment that you don’t have to buy yourself or set up in the middle of your living room.
7. You can meet other fun people like yourself who are sleep deprived, obsessed with “photo op” moments, and are desperately searching for a way to remove finger paint or play-dough from carpet!
8. You can provide loving, experienced staff the opportunity to get to know and spend time with your very own pride and joy.
9. It’s convenient, located in your very own school district, and the price is right.
10. The most important reason why you and your child should come to early childhood classes is:
What better way could you spend your time than building a relationship and memories with your child that will last forever!
Jill Phillips
ECFE Parent Educator
Parents’ 7 Worst Mistakes
This month let’s focus on the book, The 7 Worst Things Parents Do, written by John C. and Linda D. Friel (both practicing psychologists in the twin cities). On first glance, this book seems to come from a negative point of view. However, there is a ton of practical suggestions for parents of all ages of children. This book examines seven most ineffective self-defeating behaviors parents display over and over again and ways to change those behaviors.
Let’s get right to those seven worst mistakes. Can you guess what the worst one could be? According to the authors, it is to “baby your child.” Unless your child is truly a baby (an infant of six months or less), you should allow your child to do for himself. Let your preschool child try to tie his own shoes, pick up toys, put on his own clothes, and wait a few minutes for something he wants rather than immediately give in to him.
The second worst mistake is to “put your marriage last.” As Americans, we are probably the most child-centered of western industrialized nations. This can be a problem because a marriage (or other long-term relationship) is a living thing that needs to be nurtured and cared for or it will die. Find time everyday for your partner to connect and be loving.
The third worst mistake is to “push your child into too many activities.” As a society, we are obsessed with bigger and better. That can mean giving our children many “best” experiences. But how many is too many? The authors suggest asking yourself if your child is balanced. Does your child still have time to play with friends, have family time, sleep well and stay healthy?
The fourth worst mistake is to “ignore your emotional or spiritual life.” The authors’ definition of spirituality is the ability to have a relationship with something beyond ourselves, a feeling that includes a deep sense of connection with creation, as well as awe and wonder about the universe. Being a busy parent can often have us neglecting our connection to our spiritual life. However, if we discover it again, our children will benefit also as we show them an example of a balanced, peaceful life.
The fifth worst mistake is to “be your child’s best friend.” All parents want a good relationship with their children. In a healthy family, a boundary exists between parents and children so that while they are connected to each other in intimate ways, they are also separate. Parents must be in charge.
The sixth worst mistake is to “fail to give your child structure.” The authors’ look at two categories here: self-control (impulse control and delay of gratification) and structure (rules and boundaries). The best way to teach self-control is to have it ourselves and model it for our children. Parents who establish and maintain rules and boundaries give children structure, security and love.
The seventh worst mistake is to “expect your child to fulfill your dreams.” Allow your child to explore who he is and what he wants out of life and love. That journey begins at his birth and continues throughout his life. Your role as a parent is to support, encourage, and love him as he ventures down his own path.
Jill Phillips
ECFE Parent Educator
Summer Play Activities
As summer comes around again, there are a multitude of activities parents and children can do together. I hope this article gives parents some new ideas to try. As a parent, I often wandered what role I should “play” in my children’s “play”. Now I believe there is no right or wrong when it comes to children and playtime, as long as children are having fun. Parents can join their children as they are playing. Parents can also allow children to lead the game or activity. However, it is not necessary to break in when children are happily playing alone.
It’s important to give children experiences that involve learning, encouraging them to explore new ideas and master new abilities. For summer fun, encourage bike-riding, rollerblading, swimming, playing in the sand at the beach or a box in the backyard, and playing games outside, such as hide n’ seek or Simon says.
A fun idea for parents and children to try is to go on a nature hunt. What is needed for the hunt is a grocery store paper bag and clear vinyl adhesive paper. Take a walk outside and talk about things you find on the ground. Hand your child the paper bag and encourage him/her to put interesting things in the bag, such as a wildflower or interesting rock. Your sense of wonder is a major part of this activity. Be enthusiastic about your child’s choices! When you return home, invite your child to spread the “treasures” on a newspaper. Talk about them together, using descriptive language. Place a piece of clear adhesive paper down (the sticky side up) and let your child arrange the objects. Then tape her/his work of art to a window so light can shine through.
Some places to visit in the community include: area libraries, YMCA, parks and playgrounds, the zoo, various museums, festivals, fairs, the aquarium, and the many lakes we are blessed with in Minnesota! Give your children a lot of experiences this summer! Discover fun together!
Jill Phillips
ECFE Parent Educator
The Value of Routines
As spring turns to summer, our ECFE classes begin discussing their planned activities for the warm weather. When asked about this, most parents will say that their children are enrolled in dance classes, summer sports, or YMCA activities. Parents know the value of routines in a child’s life. Even though summer is a time of relaxing and enjoying the simple pleasures, routines provide structure and security to children and parents.
Young children need and want to know what to expect at various times during their day. Routines can help toddlers accept transitions more easily, reducing resistance as they switch gears. For example, two-year-old Billy knows naptime follows lunch and; once he awakens, there will be playtime with Mom. This daily routine gives Billy comfort and contentment. The preschool years of rapid growth and learning can be a trying time for children as they navigate their world.
Daily rituals also strengthen the bond between parents and children. Children begin to understand what it is to trust and cooperate. Some daily rituals that encourage this include: reading books together, snuggling under the covers, picking up toys together, singing favorite songs or dancing to music.
Some important things to keep in mind when establishing routines is to offer choices when you can (to enhance independence), set limits like the number of books to read and time to go to bed. Remember to have fun and go with the flow sometimes. Often routines need to be fine-tuned periodically to meet the needs of an ever-changing toddler. When a child moves from crib to a regular bed, the bedtime rituals will change somewhat. While the specifics of a routine may change, the need for one never does. Children never really outgrow the desire for structure and security in their lives.
Jill Phillips
ECFE Parent Educator
Parents Managing Stress
As parents, we have a lot of demands on us! We deal with family, work and the daily business of paying bills, grocery shopping, doctor and dentist appointments, chauffering children, etc. I could go on and on! All of these things pull us in different directions and stress becomes a big part of our lives.
What are some causes of stress in parents? Probably the most common one is outside pressures. We worry about money, illness, our parents’ issues, tensions at work and other everyday problems. Isolation and lack of support can lead to parental stress as well. When family or friends don’t live nearby, we may not get a break. Change is another cause. Such things as moving, divorce, death of someone close, loss of a job or arrival of a new baby are difficult adjustments for everyone to cope with. Another main cause of parental stress is the lack of parenting knowledge. We don’t get an instructional booklet when we have a baby. (How wonderful it would be if we did!) No parent has all the answers and sometimes we have unrealistic expectations of what our children are capable of doing at different developmental ages.
Now that we have looked at causes of parental stress, let’s consider some suggestions to make it manageable. One important thing to keep in mind is to be realistic. Stress will always be a part of life. Give yourself a break and accept this reality! Forgive yourself for mistakes and go on. Anticipate stressful situations. If mornings are a bad time of the day, plan ahead and do some things the night before or get up earlier to have time for yourself. Prioritize daily activities. What things on your “to-do list” absolutely have to be done today? Can you let other things go until tomorrow? Another great suggestion for handling stress is to keep yourself healthy. Take time to get exercise and eat a well-balanced diet. Try this for peace at bedtime: At the end of the day, think of three good things that happened. Let that be the last thing you do as you drift off to sleep.
Managing stress is a lifelong struggle for all of us! Unfortunately we can’t control when we get stressed, but we can learn ways to cope to make both our own and our children’s lives more balanced and productive.
Jill Phillips
Parent Educator
Teaching Children Responsibility and Independence
In ECFE classes, we have been talking about this topic. Most parents feel it’s important to teach children to be independent and responsible. Parents want this for their children for two reasons. One reason is that responsibility and independence are important for success in school. The second reason is that these qualities are helpful at home in the running of a household and they also promote self-esteem.
What does responsibility mean for a preschooler? Establishing routines and having chores is one way parents can help their children learn to be responsible. Some chores for young children include: picking up and putting toys away, setting or clearing dishes, making the bed, dusting and feeding pets. Another aspect of responsibility is learning to be independent and taking care of themselves. For a preschooler, that means self-help skills like: choosing an outfit and dressing with buttons and zippers, using the bathroom by themselves (including washing hands and flushing), personal care such as brushing teeth and hair, avoiding toileting accidents (once potty-trained) because of busyness. Responsibility also involves parents modeling appropriate behavior. How responsible are you? Do you pay your bills on time, obey speed limits, or do your chores in a timely manner? Children learn more from what parents do that what they say. Parents’ attitudes toward responsibility are transmitted to children.
Parents must remember that each child is different. Some will learn these responsibility skills more easily than others. Developing skills takes time and patience, both for parents and their children. Children who learn responsibility benefit by developing a sense of belonging to family, a sense of being needed, and a positive self-concept, as well as by learning independence as they prepare for adulthood.
Using Birth Order as a Guide for Parenting
Birth order is always an interesting topic for discussion in ECFE parent groups. It is one factor that influences every child. When parents have knowledge of the impact that birth order may have on their children, they can use this to understand their children’s learning and behavior, as well as enhance their own parenting.
The following are some characteristics for each birth order position in the family:
First Born: perfectionist, reliable, natural leader, serious, logical, task-oriented
Middle: mediator, flexible, avoids conflict, secretive, maverick, very social
Youngest: manipulator, people person, attention seeker, tempermental, rebellious, humorous
Parents can use these characteristics to gain insight into the complex behavior of their first born, middle, and youngest children. Some helpful things to remember with firstborns are to spend time one-on-one with them, give them special privileges to offset responsibilities and avoid making them a frequent babysitter. Some helpful things to remember with middle children are to set aside time often just to talk, make sure they feel special and occasionally buy them new clothing rather than always giving them hand-me-downs. Some things to remember with youngest children are to resist coddling them, acknowledge their accomplishments so they don’t feel lost in the shuffle, and to be sure they have their share of responsibilities.
Understanding birth order can help parents know what to expect from their children, what to avoid, and how to get a wanted response. This can be an advantage in dealing with family situations, helping bring out the best from all siblings. Parents can use birth order insights to create a family in which brothers and sisters love and support each other long into the future.
Jill Phillips
ECFE Parent Educator
New Research in Gender Differences
Recently, I went to a workshop on this topic and found it fascinating! I will share with you some of the latest research.
In the past, there have been two schools of thought on gender differences. One school argues that sex differences are present from birth and should be accepted and embraced as natural and normal. The other school argues that sex differences are learned from caregivers and society and should be eliminated by changing the environment and society as a whole.
Recent research shows that differences between girls and boys are more profound than anybody ever guessed. Scientists are finding that each gender sees the world differently. Boys and girls each have retinas that are differently shaped. Girls’ eyes are best adapted to detect color and texture while boys’ eyes detect location, direction and speed. Therefore, girls are drawn to a colorful, richly textured doll and boys prefer a moving truck. Hearing and the shape of the inner ear itself is also different in each gender. Infant girls hear better than infant boys. In studies, music therapy was used for premature infants to help them develop and leave the hospital sooner. It worked for girls but not for boys. The conclusion reached was that the boys were not hearing the music as well or in the same way as the girls. The difference in how girls and boys hear has major implications for how parents and teachers should talk to children. One suggestion may be to raise your voice when talking to boys and lower it for girls.
Another interesting research finding is that girls tend to produce more oxytocin (human-bonding hormone) and serotonin (”feel-good” hormone). This helps explain why girls are more apt to be caregivers with dolls and stuffed animals. When girls play in this way, it activates the pleasure center in their brains. Boys, on the other hand, explore things physically by hitting, jumping, and playing rough. Boys enjoy intense, active games with chasing and running. Luckily, scientists find boys have more cerebrospinal fluid which protects their cranium from impact.
If this topic interests you, I would suggest you read the book, Why Gender Matters by Leonard Sax, M.D., Ph.D, or go to the website: www.whygendermatters.com. This emerging science of gender differences can be useful for parents and teachers in helping children cope with challenges and reach their fullest potential.
Jill Phillips
ECFE Parent Educator
What’s Your Parenting Goal?
A new year is beginning! It’s time for new hopes and expectations for better things to come! And that can also include improving your parenting style. A lot of us have goals we strive for in our lives. Why not include a parenting goal for the new year? I’m sure we all have areas in our parenting we’d like to improve.
The process of adopting a goal involves taking time to decide on one and working toward achieving it. Let’s look at an example. If you feel you yell too much at your children, your goal could be to find other ways to get their attention. Some ideas could include: talking less and enforcing consequences more, counting to ten and breathing deeply before dealing with an issue, or giving children positive attention before bad behavior creeps in. Your goal, as well as your way to achieve it, should not be complicated. Otherwise, you will give up on it after a time. If you are not sure how to achieve your goal, there is all kinds of helpful information out there—your ECFE instructors, parenting books and reputable, research-based websites. Checking the progress of your goal from time-to-time is important. Are you on track? Do you need to refresh or revise your goal?
Being a parent is one of the most challenging tasks you will ever undertake. Parenting is a process of ups and downs but the consistency of following along the path will pay off in the long run. The “goal” of parenting is to work yourself out of a job! Remember this as you help your children reach their goals and achieve independence.
Jill Phillips
ECFE Parent Educator
Toys That Grow With Young Children
Playing is everything to young children! It is essential to their growth and development. It is how they explore their world and learn to walk, talk, sing, draw, and make friends. The toys that capture their attention are often the most basic ones. Parents today may feel it’s necessary to buy learning toys with all the bells and whistles, but there is no scientific evidence that they boost IQ. Electronic toys ask for a specific response and can be played with in a limited way. Classic toys are more versatile because children can play with them in a variety of ways.
The following is a list of toy-chest favorites:
1. Balls. Babies can stare, grab, and chew at them. Toddlers and preschoolers can roll and throw them. Choose balls of different sizes and textures.
2. Wooden Blocks. Babies can gnaw on, swat and grab them. Toddlers and preschoolers can stack and sort them. They can also be used to build forts, bridges, or whatever their imagination will allow.
3. Puzzles. Whether the puzzles are simple or more complicated, young children learn problem-solving and work on small motor skills.
4. Stuffed animals or dolls. Babies and toddlers fondle and chew on them. All young children can carry and cuddle their lovey. Preschoolers may use them to engage in pretend play.
Other ideas for great toys for young children include: simple board games, musical instruments, crayons and waterproof markers.
Common household objects can create a world of fun also. In the bedroom, blankets and sheets can be used to play peekaboo or to make a secret fort. In the bathroom, plastic cups and pitchers can be used in the tub for dump and pour. In the kitchen, pots, pans, and wooden spoons can be used to make “soup” or just a noisy band.
Classic toys, such as those mentioned above, may not be a parent’s first choice but give them a try. They provide children with continuous opportunities to explore, wonder, create and learn.
Jill Phillips
Parent Educator
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