Reading With Your Child
The most important thing you can do for your child to help him academically is to read to him everyday. Reading together increases vocabulary and general knowledge. It helps children learn how print looks and how books work. Children who enjoy being read to are more likely to want to learn to read themselves.
When you read to infants, the sound of your voice is a beacon of calmness, conditioning the child to associate you and the book with security. This “cuddle time” is great for connecting with your child and making her feel loved and nurtured. As your child grows and becomes a toddler, let her set the pace for how long you stay on each page. Many are ready to start turning the pages and some are too busy to stop to sit in your lap! Go with however she wants to read but remember to keep reading. By the time your child is a preschooler, she will enjoy storytime and want to read them to you! Storytime may get longer and so will her attention span. Read with expression. Use different voices for different characters. Ask questions as you read and listen to what your child says.
Most importantly, be a good role model for your child and read books, magazines, the newspaper, the Nook, or the Kindle. Visit the library and check out books together with your child. Every area library has a summer reading program so get involved. You and your child will be glad you did!
Jill Phillips
ECFE Parent Educator
Who’s Responsible for Children’s Happiness?
This month’s article idea is taken from Elizabeth Crary’s parenting book, Dealing With Disappointment. The author believes that in order to help children cope with the many disappointments they experience daily, they need to be taught tools and techniques.
Although parents cannot “make” their children happy, they can help children choose happiness. Modeling ways to deal with their feelings appropriately, teaching children the skills they need, and allowing children to be responsible for their own feelings are some of the ways.
Children can learn to be aware of their feelings and learn the skills to manage them in daily situations. They can learn to actively choose happiness. When children don’t learn how to soothe themselves or resolve their issues with others, they are vulnerable to a lot of problems that may haunt them for a lifetime. Some of these include: discipline issues in school, drug addiction, and depression.
One of the main tools parents can teach children is to self-calm. Some of these calming tools include: physical tools (doing something physical like running), auditory tools (crying or listening to music), visual tools (detaching by reading a book or watching nature), creative tools (drawing feelings on paper), self-comforting tools (getting a hug or taking a bubble bath), and humor tools (watching a funny movie or telling a joke and laughing out loud).
If you want more information, as well as exercises to help practice ideas to use with children, please check out this book at your local library; or to order it online, go to www.ParentingPress.com.
When Your Child is Afraid
Young children have incredibly vivid imaginations. They can picture Babar’s castle when they listen to a story. They can pretend they’re dinosaurs while playing with plastic figures. However, imagination can be a double-edged sword!It can quickly become fear. The child may see a frightening image, such as a noisy clown at a party and think the clown is mean and going to hurt him. Children face a world that is full of uncertainities and scary things, both imagined and real. Fears are most common between the ages of two and six years; and the most common fears include: the dark, loud noises, separations, monsters, animals and unfamiliar situations.
It is important to acknowledge every experience young children have with fear. Encourage them to talk about their fears. The best way to affirm a child’s fears is simply to reflect back the feelings of the child. Instead of saying, “That’s nothing to be scared of!”, say, “It’s okay to be scared,” and “Everybody gets scared,” or “I’m here with you.” All young children need to know that someone bigger who loves them understands and respects their fears. Fearful children need a strong, supportive hand to hold. Approaching difficult situations confidently and calmly, parents can reassure children. Talk about what’s real and what’s make believe. This can give them the courage to face their own fears and eventually overcome them.
Most of the fears that children experience in their preschool years gradually diminish and are outgrown. If a child’s fear interferes with family life or with normal daily activity, then it may be best to seek professional help. Gently helping children face what scares them is the best way to ensure that today’s fears won’t continue to hold them back tomorrow.
Jill Phillips
ECFE Parent Educator
What Do Preschoolers Need?
The preschool years (ages three, four, and five) are a wonderful time of exploration and expression! I remember both my daughters at this age. I remember their vocabulary exploding almost daily. They were learning the power of words. Their physical competence was also increasing as they learned to jump, hop, ride a bike, and use crayons and scissors. Preschoolers are working on their social skills, learning to share and function in a group. Their play together will not always run smoothly as they sometimes hit, kick, scream, or shout when getting to know one another. Imagination becomes important to children of this age. Some may have imaginary friends and/or pretend play charged with monsters and superheroes (power themes). They are trying to sort out what’s real and what’s not.
What do preschoolers need? Basically, they need nurturing adults who provide love, attention, and a safe environment to grow and develop. There is a well-written book called Help! For Parents of Children Three, Four, and Five Years of Age that gives “affirmation of growth” for each age level. Affirmations are special messages that parents can give that will help their children during this time. I’d like to share with you the affirmations for preschoolers.
What Do Toddlers Need?
Anyone who has spent time with toddlers (children from ages one to three) knows how challenging they can be! They are a whirlwind of energy, exploring everything in sight and becoming extremely independent and downright argumentative with the exclamations of “no!” They may have daily tantrums, nightly sleep problems, battles fought at the table and on the playground. And yet, in spite of all this negativity and fierce independence, toddlers can be very charming with their spontaneous hugs and kisses, endearing smiles and infectious laughter. There are two sides to every toddler as parents well know. This charming and challenging behavior is normal development for them.
How can parents cope with and enjoy this toddler age? What do toddlers need? The most important thing toddlers need is the freedom and opportunity to explore their environment. To understand their world, toddlers need to manipulate it. Of course, not everything is meant for toddler hands. Parents need to make sure the environment is childproofed. And parents need to supervise. A small toddler can get into things faster than a wink! However, parents need to train their children. If the child wants to try out the computer, a parent can sit with him and let him tap the keys. If the child wants to stir the items in the cooking bowl, let her try with help.
Toddlers also need a few limits that are clear and consistent. They often can’t control their impulses and become frightened when they lose control. Limits, set by parents and lovingly enforced, let them know what to expect as well as provide comfort and security. If a parent decides that a half hour of Sesame Street is enough for one day, then the parent sticks to that limit no matter how much the toddler protests. Learning to live with limits is essential for life in our world; and by setting limits for toddlers, parents teach self-control and self-discipline.
Most of all, toddlers need love in heaping cupfuls, seasoned with limits and opportunities to explore.
Jill Phillips
ECFE Parent Educator
Getting Kids to Cooperate
When your child was a baby, he took his bath when you were ready, wore the outfit you selected, willingly went wherever you wanted to go and was generally easygoing. But with the preschool years, your child is changing. Now every request is met with a battle of wills. From getting out of the house in the morning to getting ready for bed at night, your preschooler presents a challenge in cooperation. As a parent, you sometimes feel frustrated and want to throw your hands up in despair. What’s a parent to do?
There is no “secret” solution that works for every parent every time. However, there are ways to encourage and reinforce cooperation. Preschoolers look at life as one big game so a playful approach can mean the difference between resistance and compliance. For example, if your child is resisting picking up his toys, set the kitchen timer for five minutes and challenge him to try and pick up the most toys before the timer goes off.
Another idea to try is to suggest something fun after chores or errands. “If we finish our errands before lunch, we can visit daddy at work.” When using this strategy, keep your promise and make it something you can enjoy also. For example, time spent reading an extra book together is quality time. Rewards shouldn’t always be treats.
Offering choices can give a child a sense of independence. A parent can offer a multitude of choices during the day. Everything from the choice of clothing to the choice of books to read can be used as a tool for cooperation. Just make sure you as a parent are willing to live with the choice you give your preschooler.
Make your expectations clear to your child. Take a moment to get eye to eye with your child and issue a brief request without barking commands. Another important thing to remember with children is that they need advance warning before ending an activity. Children this age are sensitive to disruptions in their routine and do better with transition when they are told what is coming.
Picking your battles wisely is good advice throughout parenting but is especially necessary with your preschooler. Now is the time to lay down the framework of self-esteem by letting children feel successful in their everyday accomplishments. Is it really vital that the bed is made perfectly? An attempt to pull covers over the pillows can be acceptable.
Getting children to cooperate can be a difficult thing to achieve for most parents. However, with a little creativity, understanding, consistency, and a lot of love, parents can find ways that work best with children. Helping children develop a cooperative attitude can help them with stronger friendships, success in school and eventually, meaningful contribution to society.
Jill Phillips
ECFE Parent Educator
Children and Pets
When my daughters were young, one of our favorite summertime pastimes was to visit the animal shelter. We liked to pet and talk to the cats and dogs in the cages. Of course, there was always a point in the visit when one of them would ask if we could take one home. My usual response was that we had three animals already and we needed to take good care of them. The girls and I still enjoy animals very much. Each of the girls, who are both grown and on their own, have a dog. My husband and I have a cat and a dog.
When thinking about acquiring an animal, the most important thing to be stressed is that caring for them is a lot of responsibility that should not be done on a whim, such as a gift of an Easter chick or Christmas puppy or kitten. When considering adopting or purchasing an animal, there is a lot to consider. Will you be willing to care for the animal throughout its lifetime? (I can tell you from personal experience that cats can live up to twenty years!) The care involved includes: fresh water, food, shelter, grooming, training, veterinary care, exercise/play, and love. All of these things should be considered with children in mind. Will they be willing to help in the care of the animal? Does a family with young children have enough time and resources?
Children and pets can be a wonderful combination. Children can learn so much from their animals—-unconditional love, loyalty, responsibility, affection, companionship. Children can learn alot about themselves from pets. Pets can be the perfect companion, always willing to listen to a child’s triumphs and problems. Petting an animal can be very therapeutic for a child. Something so soft, warm, and cuddly can help a child calm down and relax. Children can learn to be gentle and responsible by caring for pets, with the correct training from parents. Also, children can learn the joy of being needed. They are very important in the lives of their pets.
Jill Phillips
ECFE Parent Educator
Ways to Strengthen Your Family
What comes to mind when I say someone has a “strong family”? Do you think of a family that really loves each other and demonstrates that love everyday in many ways? Or maybe you think of a family that is there for each other in good times and bad? Or maybe you think of a family that spends time together and really knows one another well? A strong family must build strong walls that give it identity and support.
Time is an essential ingredient in building those walls. The time spent together as a family is very important. And yet, research shows that parents today spend 40% less time together with their children than parents of the 50’s. There is also research that says children need more parental time because they have fewer adults to rely on and the world is much more complex and confusing.
Many families are ruled by the clock. Their days include running from one thing to another, from work to picking kids up after school or childcare, to dropping them off at activities, to going to meetings, to dropping into bed at night, exhausted. Moms and dads say they are “with” their children as they go through these hectic days; but are they really talking to and listening to them? I know there were times I found myself trying to do two or three things at once while I listened to my daughters. I didn’t give them my undivided attention and my oldest would say, “You are not even listening to me, Mom.” Then she would walk away. That gave me a sickening feeling and I know she was frustrated and left with the idea that I didn’t feel she was very important. But our children are important! They deserve our attention and our love. To protect family time, we can limit family members’ individual activities, declare one day of the week to be family day, set a regular family mealtime when all can attend and the phones are turned off, and set a portion of the day aside for sharing.
Another important ingredient in building a strong family is shared interests. When our daughters were young, we enjoyed visiting our family’s cabin at the lake. We would swim, pick berries, go canoeing, and just relax together without anyone else around. Some families enjoy snowmobiling, camping, hiking, biking, or fishing. These shared interests give family members a sense of well-being and belonging. And, as we look back on our childhood, we remember fondly the times our families did things together.
I believe another vital ingredient in a strong family is celebrations. I can tell you from experience of missing family celebrations while we lived away, I felt a deep sense of loneliness. I felt far apart emotionally, as well as the distance that separated our family physically. I also knew my children felt the loss. When we are able to all get together now, it is a special time. Celebrations can often give families opportunities to share stories, help with problems, or just kick back and enjoy one another.
These ingredients all unite to create the protective walls of a strong family. The main ingredient, on which all the others depend, is love. The love of our family helps insulate us from a world that is not always so kind. This love supports and sustains us in good and bad times.
Jill Phillips
ECFE Parent Educator
Tips on Preparing Children for School
School is an exciting yet scary experience for children. For some children, the “first day of school” takes place at daycare when they are babies. Other children experience school at early childhood classes or school readiness/preschool. No matter how old a child is, how emotionally ready or well prepared, all children experience some anxiety during those first days.
Here are some ways to minimize the stress:
Familiarize your child with separation early. All infants and toddlers need to experience brief periods of separation from parents. A few hours away from parents, followed by the parents’ return, builds the child’s confidence that the people he loves and trusts will come back.
Make sure your child has had varied experiences playing with other children. These experiences help children go from the very personalized environment of home to the large group setting of school or daycare.
Read books on the topic. There are many children’s books about going to school. Choose a few with your child. Reading these books together give children a way to experience school in a comfortable way.
Honestly accept your child’s feelings. Share in your child’s concerns. Saying something understanding can help your child name and accept his feelings. ”I know that you feel nervous about school and that’s ok. Everyone feels that way when they start something new.”
Accentuate the positive. Saying something positive can help your child have the courage to face his fears. “I know you’ll do well. I have confidence in you. I will be here for you.”
Emphasize the work ethic. (This worked well in my own household.) I would say something like, “Both your dad and I have jobs. We try to do the best we can. School is your job. We want you to do the best you can too.”
In the end, a successful adjustment to school is dependent on a lot of factors. Some of them will beyond your control as a parent. By providing support, encouragement, understanding and acceptance, you will do what you can to help your child have good school experiences. It is a special time in your child’s life! Enjoy it!
Jill Phillips
ECFE Parent Educator
Balancing Work and Family
Balancing work and family is a difficult thing for all of us. No matter if we stay home to work and care for children or go out into the workplace, we have responsibilities, schedules, and activities at work and with our family. There are hundreds of books that tell us how to balance our lives. We may keep a date book, calendar, use a blackberry or cellphone to coordinate our family’s schedules. In this article, we’ll examine the issues we face in our juggling act and how to make changes.
The first step in balancing work and family is to decide what is important to us. One exercise suggested from a life coach is to divide a piece of paper into four quadrants. Label the two on the left WORK and ME and the two on the right PLAY and OTHERS. Then write what you did or will do today in each category. The life coach says that an ideal day is when you’re dabbling in all four quadrants but keeping them separate. Be fully in the place you are in each given moment of the day. When you work, work. When you play, give yourself permission to play. By looking at this exercise, you can see what is out of balance. What is really important to you? What are the choices you make? What expectations are realistic for you? What do you want to change?
How do you go about making changes? That is the tricky part! We must look at our priorities and our values. What do you value as a family and what are you doing that supports those values? Your family can sit down together to discuss schedules, time management, and prioritization. Your family can work together to meet children’s and parents’ needs. By doing this, your children will learn vital language and problem-solving skills. This also allows them to voice their opinion which in turn builds their self-esteem.
You can apply the same principle to your work, whether you work alone or with others. When you tackle a new project, join a new work team, or begin reorganizing a work area, you sit down and plan. Take stock of what is important to accomplish in any given moment. Where does your time and energy go? Is time wasted? If so, is there anything you can do to change it?
Your expression of family values, about balancing work and family, and your attitudes and actions about attaining that balance will provide examples and experience for your children to balance their desires and their activities, plan for “work,” and still have fun with their family.
Jill Phillips
ECFE Parent Educator
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