Ways to Strengthen Your Family
What comes to mind when I say someone has a “strong family”? Do you think of a family that really loves each other and demonstrates that love everyday in many ways? Or maybe you think of a family that is there for each other in good times and bad? Or maybe you think of a family that spends time together and really knows one another well? A strong family must build strong walls that give it identity and support.
Time is an essential ingredient in building those walls. The time spent together as a family is very important. And yet, research shows that parents today spend 40% less time together with their children than parents of the 50’s. There is also research that says children need more parental time because they have fewer adults to rely on and the world is much more complex and confusing.
Many families are ruled by the clock. Their days include running from one thing to another, from work to picking kids up after school or childcare, to dropping them off at activities, to going to meetings, to dropping into bed at night, exhausted. Moms and dads say they are “with” their children as they go through these hectic days; but are they really talking to and listening to them? I know there were times I found myself trying to do two or three things at once while I listened to my daughters. I didn’t give them my undivided attention and my oldest would say, “You are not even listening to me, Mom.” Then she would walk away. That gave me a sickening feeling and I know she was frustrated and left with the idea that I didn’t feel she was very important. But our children are important! They deserve our attention and our love. To protect family time, we can limit family members’ individual activities, declare one day of the week to be family day, set a regular family mealtime when all can attend and the phones are turned off, and set a portion of the day aside for sharing.
Another important ingredient in building a strong family is shared interests. When our daughters were young, we enjoyed visiting our family’s cabin at the lake. We would swim, pick berries, go canoeing, and just relax together without anyone else around. Some families enjoy snowmobiling, camping, hiking, biking, or fishing. These shared interests give family members a sense of well-being and belonging. And, as we look back on our childhood, we remember fondly the times our families did things together.
I believe another vital ingredient in a strong family is celebrations. I can tell you from experience of missing family celebrations while we lived away, I felt a deep sense of loneliness. I felt far apart emotionally, as well as the distance that separated our family physically. I also knew my children felt the loss. When we are able to all get together now, it is a special time. Celebrations can often give families opportunities to share stories, help with problems, or just kick back and enjoy one another.
These ingredients all unite to create the protective walls of a strong family. The main ingredient, on which all the others depend, is love. The love of our family helps insulate us from a world that is not always so kind. This love supports and sustains us in good and bad times.
Jill Phillips
ECFE Parent Educator